Building Community:
Talking about our Conflicts at Work
It’s a snowy, icy morning and the roads were difficult. Stomping the snow off our feet we greet each other. "You made it!" "Get some coffee and warm up." " I'm waiting to hear what happened with that situation from last week." "How is your son feeling?"
The greetings come from the cohort members who have been meeting together every Tuesday morning before work. Its the seventh session of the course and the members have decided to add two extra sessions on. "We need all the help we can get. And I get a lot from these discussions," said one participant.
This group has built a supportive community, talking about a topic that many shy away from: workplace conflict. Every Tuesday, a member presents a case study focused on a conflict at their work. They describe the situation, suggest what kind of feedback they are seeking and listen to the ideas of the other cohort members. With kindness, participants point out conflict management tools that might be helpful, notice patterns, suggest rephrasing or improved body language. The case study presenter leaves with lots of feedback and ideas to try out.
These are all supervisors, managers, business owners or staff members who want to improve how they handle conflicts. We use a self help text to pick up new ideas and I, as the facilitator, move things along and teach new concepts. But the glue that holds the whole thing together, is the individual stories and dilemmas that we all share with each other.
At the beginning of the course, we pledge confidentiality throughout the course and beyond, knowing that privacy is so important on this small island. Side conversations and partnerships arise. "Its amazing how, even though we are all in different businesses, we all are having the same problems," pointed out one participant.
This week one of our members shared their successes, following up on a situation described previously. "I kept quiet, I listened. I really tried to curb my judgement. And I didn't take it personally," The group gives lots of encouragement and congratulations. We know how hard it is to change habits and adopt new practices. And now we know its easier to do when you have a cadre of others who are working to do the same thing.
As the facilitator, I too gain new insights. I may have taught conflict resolution over many decades, but there is always so much more to learn and think about. Its an honor to spend my Tuesday mornings working with this group of Island leaders who are working to add more tools to their conflict resolution toolbox.
Sara Barnes
Lead Mediator