There are all kinds of time and we’ve each developed a diverse menu of time types. How each individual handles time and how time decisions affect others are often a source of conflict. Time causes conflicts. Time can resolve conflicts too.
Mediation Musings: Stay in Your Lane
Mediation Musings: Conflict History
How and when and where did you learn about how to handle conflicts? Most of us have learned our personal conflict management approaches from the modeling of others. Throughout your life you were watching, observing, considering, and trying out new methods and developing your own style as a conflict resolver.
Mediation Musings: Optimism
It’s rough out there. Wars, atrocities, mass shootings, global warming, toxic polarization, free-floating anger and anxiety. We are often asked at MV Mediation about what we can do about world problems. Global conflicts and intractable societal problems weigh heavily on conflict resolvers’ minds just as they do for everyone. I thought that I’d offer approaches that have helped me, thinking they might help others during difficult times.
Mediation Musings: Clarity, Consistency, and Dog Negotiation
A number of years ago a friend was having difficulties with her son. I thought that watching the kind and firm dog trainer on TV might help her to learn how to stay more consistent and clear with her son. A few weeks later she had recorded a number of episodes, and her son asked her, “Are we getting a dog?”
Mediation Musings: Metaphors, Symbols, Figurative Language
Conflict and dispute resolution is a difficult process for folks to wrap their heads around. As mediators and other conflict resolution service providers seek help participants, they find themselves drawing upon various types of figurative and symbolic language. As Tammy Lenski, conflict resolution researcher and practitioner, writes: “The way we frame a problem has a powerful impact on the solutions we can see . . . metaphor(s) orients us differently to a conflict and influences how we think, act, and resolve it.”
Mediation Musings: Monsters Are People, Too
Mediation Musings: June Freedom
Honeysuckle scent, sleeping late, warm days with no schedule, corn on the cob, fireflies. These describe my childhood memories of June freedom. I grew up in the Northeast of the United States, where the summer season was eagerly awaited throughout the cold and dank months. June freedom meant our lives were free and easy.
Mediation Musings: Timing, Design, and Saying Yes
“My dad told me that if someone needs you, they call you, and if they need you, you go.” Most experienced mediators have said something similar to this quote from Jerry Roscoe. He is the mediator that was called in at the eleventh hour to the Dominion/Fox court case. If you haven’t been paying attention, the case settled at the very last minute, as attorneys were loading up their court slide decks and the jury was ready to be seated.
Mediation Musings: The Macro/Micro of Conflict History
My sidekick NPR radio and I were driving to the boat. This followed a busy visit off-island to see family. On the radio was Jon Meacham, the historian, suggesting which historical era was most similar to the present day. “I thought that our current moment was like 1933 or 1968.” I started thinking about history. 1933––post financial crash, labor movement, and rise of fascism. 1968––civil rights, women’s movement, Vietnam. Interesting thought experiment.
Mediation Musings: Half the Sky
I had no idea how revolutionary the times were. In 1972, I learned the Chinese saying “Women hold up half the sky.” It represented my dreams and aspirations. What an exciting picture from halfway around the world of women working and collaborating. This was not a world of men, but of men and women, each equal and valuable! The revelatory concept of having international sisters uplifted me and gave me hope.
Mediation Musings: Politics and Conflict Resolution (February 2023)
Mediation Musings: Transition, Leadership, Retirement (December 2022)
For years my pin code was 2012—don’t worry I’ve changed it long ago. 2012 would be the mark of 30 years as a city educator, I would be the minimum age 55, eligible to retire and begin collecting my pension. The year seemed far, far away and then came astoundingly fast. On my birthday in 2012 I was prepared. My volunteer projects, PhD program, redecorating, search for a vacation home, dogs and family were sure to keep me busy.
Mediation Musings: Money, Money, Money, Money (November 2022)
Money. It’s likely to bring up immediate reactions. I’ve had a mixed-status life regarding attitudes about money. One of my parents came from the hands-off, polite-people-don’t-discuss money perspective. The other parent saw discussing money as fair game––“I got this at fifty percent off on sale!” As a teen I became aware of friends whose lives were impacted by the ever-present stressors of generational and situational poverty. In my twenties I was part of a collective where pooling our money was expected: What’s mine is yours.
Mediator's Musings: Assumption, Evolution, Nurture (October 2022)
Mediation Musings: September 2022
Thrum. Thrum. Bong. Bong. Step. Step. The sounds of the Queen of England’s funeral events had a somber musical score to match the occasion. A riveting theme for Britain and around the world. Throngs of well-wishers lined the avenues. Some commented that, despite the deep divides in that county and the vestiges of the colonial empire, the event of her death was uniting. At least for a historical moment.
Mediation Musings: June 2022
Conflict resolution techniques are not manipulation or coercion. In fact they are the opposite. When we teach a new approach such as question construction or detecting interests, better listening techniques, or using neutral language it's not to work on the other person. We are working on ourselves. Building our tool box. Expanding our repertoire. Taking responsibility for our own part in the conflict and in making the world around us a better place.
Mediation Musings: May 2022
Mediation Musings: April 2022
Here's the thing about employing the shame/blame dynamic duo. They don't solve the conflict. They don't analyze the problem. They don't help us to learn from our mistakes. They don't build trust. They will harm an organization in short order. They do nothing but make folks feel miserable and will crash any relationship.