By: Sara Barnes
The one-lane wooded road was bumpy and rutted. Fifteen miles an hour was about top speed. Around the corner came a car; it swiftly pulled over in anticipation of our passing each other. As I drove past, I saw a movement in my peripheral vision. I turned to see that they were waving at me. I limply lifted my hand, confused.
The next time I was on the road, when I saw a car coming toward me, I followed the model. I pulled over, let the other person pass and waved as they went by. They quickly waved back. I thought, “We’re definitely not in Brooklyn anymore.” Although the ritual was an unfamiliar set of moves, it seemed friendly and kind to wave at each other. Pulling over to let someone go was easy, though sometimes there was nowhere to do this and I had to count on the other person to do it first.
Since I now have been driving down this same unpaved, sandy and variously smooth or potholed road regularly, I have 10 years of experience with these interactions. The little ballet of the cars, and the drivers, the smile, wave and moveon-down-the-road is a familiar custom. When I go back to Brooklyn, I miss it, though you would never get anywhere in the city if you had to acknowledge everyone. I think of this wave as a Thanks for helping me out and making way for us both to travel on with our day wave.
Once in a while I interact with a driver clearly unfamiliar with the road or the custom. They might follow along and wave back to me, and I see the confusion of the wave that I had once upon a time. Rarely, someone just looks straight forward, ignoring the extra effort I am making, driving off quickly, and I am left unacknowledged. This causes me to be grouchy–– I find myself yelling, “You’re supposed to wave!”
I See You
On the paved two-lane street where I live, I do the wave as I pass other drivers, walkers and bike riders—and sometimes people working in their yard. When I am working in my yard I wave to all who pass me if I have a hand free. I do this on my street but nowhere else within the six island towns of Martha’s Vineyard.
This wave is a bit different than the one when a person pulls aside to help the other go past. I think of this wave as the acknowledgement and acceptance of each person who passes through the little community. It’s a Welcome to our neighborhood, I see you and I hope you are well, hello type of a courtesy. It also says, “We are not anonymous here––it’s a small micro village on our road and there are real people here who are humans to each other and who are aware of one another.”
Though out on the larger and busier roadways, I notice other types of I see you waves. These seem to be between people who work in similar trades—plumbers wave at plumbers, excavators at other excavators, and I think some of the landscapers seem to wave, flash their lights or even do a quick honk. I see you is a nice interaction; I like it. As we go through our day, it’s good to know that someone else, even for a brief moment, noticed our existence and was benignly pleased with the encounter. It puts a few drops in the cup labeled “Today Is a Nice Day” while somehow simultaneously helping to evaporate a couple of drops in the “Today Sucks” cup.
Read the full version of this Mediation Musings essay here.