Mediation Musings
Sitka Creations
Mediation Musings: Ideas

This month I ask you to get out your reading glasses and absorb some new ideas from various authors. I’d like to introduce you to writers who are expanding knowledge in the field of conflict resolution and connected topics. Happy reading!

Mediation Musings: Ideas
40 Tips
Tamar Russell
40 Days of Resolution at Home | Day 1: What is ...

When people think about conflict, they usually think negatively. Our work is about moving conflict concepts away from the lose-lose mentality to a win-win one, where conflict becomes...

40 Days of Resolution at Home | Day 1: What is Conflict?
Youth Mediation
Tamar Russell
Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation ...

MV Mediation is pleased to announce a $2,500 grant from the Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation to support the Youth Mediation Program and Peace Curriculum. The Peace Curriculum, developed by Executive Director Sara Barnes, is a 10-week conflict resolution and positive communication program designed to teach conflict resolution to the students of Martha’s Vineyard. Using integrative and hands-on activities, students learn to apply skills to resolve conflict in their day-to-day lives.

Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation Comes Through for the Youth Program
Paula Reidbord
Seven Ways to Help Our Conflict Resolution ...

Support Martha's Vineyard Mediation in 2022

Seven Ways to Help Our Conflict Resolution Center in 2022

Conflict Res. at home

NEW ATTITUDE - DON’T ASSUME

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

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NEW ATTITUDE - DON’T ASSUME

Assumptions get in the way of conflict resolution

The life cycle of an assumption

"I know exactly what he is thinking." says the neighbor in the mediation session "Look at him, you can see it, just look at him." Or the client in a private session during a corporate facilitation session, "Can't you hear that in her voice, I know she is being dishonest. I can tell just by listening to her." Or, "They are out to get us, they are lining us up like pins and then, wham, here comes the bowling ball." says the employee in a contract negotiation.

All assumptions, and not helpful. I call it snapshot thinking, because in my view, what happens is that one person takes a snapshot and fills in all kinds of information that may or may not be true based on their biases, imagination, fear and limited experience. Boom. You've got a full-blown assumption. It started as a snapshot, a moment in time, and became a full blown epic story. And much of it is inaccurate and becomes a barrier to a peaceful resolution of the conflict.

Its hard for mediators, conflict coaches, facilitators and others in the conflict resolution field to deal with a client's hardened assumptions. Here's how the assumption is created. The individual takes in data. They pick through data selectively. They ascribe a meaning to the data. They believe the meaning they have settled on as true. They then pay attention only to what confirms their assumption.

Dissecting this assumption is sometimes the most important contribution a conflict resolution specialist can provide. In order to resolve a conflict, assumptions need to be put aside. Here's what it sounds like in a mediation--during a private session:

Mediator "So you have said that Robin only wants to hurt you."

  • Client "Yeah you can see it in their eyes. You see it too, I know you do."

"Well I'm wondering what it means to you that Robin is willing to be here in mediation."

  • "They are just trying to make me miserable, and they are enjoying how hard this is."

"Help me understand where you are coming from. Is there something Robin has done today that shows this?"

  • "No you are not going to see it, Robin is on their best behavior with you.

"Is there anything you could possibly see or hear from Robin that would help you to undo your assumption that Robin is out to hurt you?"

  • "No there is nothing that would show me that, nothing Robin can do would change my thinking."

The ladder of inference

Start at the bottom of the ladder. The information is real and easily documented. Its the meaning behind that information that becomes someone's assumption. Unless the person does research to determine whether their hypothesis is correct or in error - asks questions, keeps an open mind, considers multiple possibilities, knows that their first reaction is often inaccurate. Once you've climbed up the ladder, its hard to back down. Better to avoid making assumptions right from the beginning.

How you stop the ladder of inference from taking over your thought process? If you tend to jump to conclusions, it may be difficult to re-orient your habitual thinking. Some step-by-step challenges to try:

  • Take off your blinders and gather lots of information, some of it might seem contradictory at first. In the above scenario, the observable data was that Rashmi took sick leave. Push yourself to make a list, maybe of 10 different possibilities of what might be happening. All kinds of ideas, some can be unusual.

  • Imagine the other person, think about them sympathetically. Try to not jump to conclusions. What would they want you to be thinking?

  • When you have the opportunity (in this case that would take time until Rashmi returned to work) check things out with an open mind.

  • If you find yourself climbing the ladder, consider what part fear and/or lack of power might play in your reflexive loop. Is this assumption more about you and not the other person?

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CONFLICT COMPONENTS - POWER

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

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CONFLICT COMPONENTS - POWER

Power in conflict resolution

Much below is excerpted/derived from Dissecting Power and How it Influences Conflict by Ellen Kandell

Power is the ability to influence an outcome or get a task completed. To understand power, it is vital to know the context in which it is being exerted and the other forces and influences in play. In the context of conflict, power is defined as the ability to get one’s needs met. For a conflict to exist each of those involved must have some degree of power and the ability to influence the outcome of the conflict.

Understanding Structural and Personal Power

Power is an elusive concept because it has so many manifestations. Everyone has many potential sources of power, most of which he or she is often unaware. Some are independent of the conflict while others can be enhanced or diminished by the process of conflict. Structural power is derived from the situation. One form of structural power is formal authority. Changes in structural power usually require systemic fixes. Personal power is inherent in the individual, their personal characteristics and traits. Personal power may come from communication skills, training or experience.

Key Types of Power

Formal: The authority given by an institution, by a set of laws or policies or by virtue of one’s position, such as school principal, board president or city council member.

Legal: Rights and choices defined by law or policy. Related are the resources a person has to pursue legal action.

Information: Data and knowledge. If one party to a conflict has information that the other doesn’t then they may have power in a conflict.

Association: This kind of power comes from the connection with other people or groups, such as political entities, trade associations or any other organization.

Resources: The ability to control resources whether tangible in the form of money, labor or time, or intangible, such as reputation and stamina, is a significant source of power

Rewards and sanctions: The ability to confer benefits or rewards and impose sanctions or penalties.

Morals: Power can flow from an appeal to the values, beliefs and ethics or from an attack on the values of those with whom you are in conflict.

Personal characteristics: This kind of power derives from an individual’s inherent make up, such as their perseverance, endurance, intelligence, communication skills, determination, and emotional and physical strength.

Some of these types of power are compatible with each other while others are not. For example:

  • A person with tangible resources may be effectively able to use the threat of a lawsuit to negotiate a settlement.

  • The use of an appeal to morals may not be effective if one doesn’t have personal characteristics to evoke this use of power.

  • In the workplace context, a manager may have formal authority based on her position which was obtained by virtue of her intellect but her power may be diminished if she doesn’t have the skills to manage people on her team.

The amount of power an individual has is less important than how effectively it is marshaled. According to Bernard Mayer in his book, The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution, “Sometimes it is important to use power to change a situation, and sometimes it is necessary to show a willingness to use power.” And sometimes is important to put clear power differences aside and create a more even playing field.

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– Facilitation Client

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– Conflict Coaching Client

“It was valuable to help me handle a current conflict in my workplace. Putting a positive spin on conflict was an eye-opener for me. It gives me a structure to address problems. We had a very serious conflict at work recently so this is very important and relevant to me right now.”

– Workplace Conflict Management Services