CONFLICT COMPONENTS - INTERESTS

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

CONFLICT COMPONENTS - INTERESTS

Focus closely on Interests

Its the 39th day of our Working From Home daily message. And if you forget all 38 previous messages, remember this. The key to conflict resolution is understanding interests. Once you get this concept, conflicts start to make sense. If a person takes on the simple and profound concept of interests, its like the windshield becomes clear after having been previously fogged and the contours of the conflict landscape come into view.

What interests are not

Interests are not positions.The two are paired traditionally in conflict resolution training, because to understand one helps to explain the other. Let's look at Langley the pygmy goat, standing on my porch against my wishes last summer. What's his position? I want the day lilies. And the forsythia and whatever that is in the terracotta pot. And I want to stand on the porch. What's my approach? First of all you have to know that goats are hard to scare or influence, so yelling or sweet talking doesn't work. I do know a bit about Langley, though. He has two interests that usually motivate him. Food and curiosity, usually in that order. Knowing his interests, I offer him some goat feed and I start walking into another part of the yard. Appealing to his interests--I like that food a lot, and I wonder where she is going--helps me to get Langley to follow me off the porch.

In this conflict between my interests - the goat should stay in his pen and I want my day lilies to survive - and Langley's interests described above, I do not act to fight against his position. To do that, by the way, requires grabbing him by his horns, holding on to his collar and pushing with my whole body to make him go where I want. Instead I look underneath his position to see if I can can appeal to his interests. His interests are not specific to day lily leaves, so providing him with the feed satisfies his food interests. A win-win all around. Langley follows me around the yard--his curiosity interest - until he is safely back behind the gate in the goat yard having enjoyed his walk and his snack.

What are Interests, and Why Do They Matter?

An excerpt from MWI's Chuck Doran and Megan Winkeler blog describes positions and interests in non-goat terms.

Let’s say a person walks up to you and says, “I want you to give me $20!” Not knowing this person, you tell him no. Or, maybe you say yes. Either way, the demand for $20 is the person’s position. Positions are requests or demands to which you can say yes or no. In response to the person asking you for $20, you can choose to approve or deny this request. You might add other demands of your own – “I will give you $20 if you help me unload my groceries” or “I will not give you $20 unless you agree to buy me lunch next week.” The demands you add are your positions in the negotiation.

We express positions in a variety of ways, sometimes framing them as an immediate need or the only available option. To identify a statement as a position, ask yourself: can I say yes or no to this? Try it with a few examples below, which show how someone might frame their position.

• Can I have $20?

• I want $20.

• I need $20.

• Give me $20.

• You are going to give me $20.

Note that you can say yes or no to all of these statements. They are all demands or requests made of you by the other person. Of course, you can choose to respond to the demand for $20 in other ways than a simple yes or no. In fact, you probably have an innate desire learn more about why this person is asking for $20. The answer to that question – why do you want $20? – defines the person’s interests. Let’s look at some possible responses from our fictional negotiator:

• I’m hungry, but I lost my wallet and need to buy lunch.

• I spent all my money on scratch lottery tickets expecting it to be a good investment, and now I can’t afford to buy a bus ticket home.

• Last week I loaned you $20, and you haven’t paid me back.

• I’m your thirteen-year-old son who does not have a job, and I would like to go to the movies with my friends.

Each of the statements above express interests. I want to buy lunch because I’m hungry. I want to get home, and the bus is the best way I know of to do that. I want to be made whole for the money I loaned you. I want to go to the movies with my friends. None of these statements are requesting anything of you. Rather, they are telling you what motivates the other person in the negotiation. In short: interests tell us why we are negotiating with someone. They explain what motivates us and what need we’re hoping to fulfill. Positions, on the other hand, demand or request something from our counterpart to fulfill those interests.

Positions and Interests in your daily life

Do you have a Langley standing on your porch in real life? Interest-based negotiation allows us to improve relationships. The son and daughter in the positional bargaining yelled, fought, and walked away resenting the other. The son and daughter, in the alternate interest based conflict resolution, considered each other's interests, figured out how to help the other person to reach their interests, and both left happy and with an intact relationship.

People fight hard for their positions because they have no experience with the process of looking underneath demands to uncover the underlying interests. They hold to their positions because they believe it may be the only way to meet their needs. Intransigence is fairly often fueled by lack of experience or imagination that there may be other ways to resolve the conflict. The rule is, you can't negotiate between positions, yet you can negotiate between interests.

How do you get to interests?

This is a lifelong mystery and puzzle that can occupy your thought process. People are unpredictable and amazingly surprising in their complexity. Go humans! Go complexity! Use your question asking skills and thoughtful detective work to see if you can figure out what the interests are that are fueling someone's positions. Impress your friends and family with your amazing and intuitive ability to understand where they are coming from by detecting their interests. In so doing you will have created an environment where conflicts can be resolved and mutual understanding can be built together.

As the image above shows, the best structure is when power becomes a more minor player in the conflict resolution process and interests are what disputants emphasize as they work things out together. The pyramid on the right is grounded, balanced and strengthened by attention to interests. In your workplace, family, organization, which of the two depictions fit your situation? If you want to have a more healthy and productive structure, don't focus on positions but look more deeply to find the individual and collective interests.

Do this:

• Check out MWI’s Negotiation & Mediation Blog:

• More on positions and interests.

• Do you remember the story of the orange conflict? Look at it again to consider positions and interests video.

WEDNESDAY SKILLS - BODY LANGUAGE

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

WEDNESDAY SKILLS - BODY LANGUAGE

Add this tool to your toolbox

Your body language has a major effect on conflict

Body Language

Ok we are going to talk about body language. No don't click off. Yes talking about body language means we are going to talk about bodies. So let's get this out of the way first.

You have a good body. It is not too big, or too small. Its just exactly tall enough and your chin is really fabulous just the way it is. Your skin is really quite wonderful in its exact wrinkliness, its hue is absolutely gorgeous. Your bald head, your warts, the grey, the roundness of your nose, your feet--all of it is just terrific. Forget all those other messages that are designed to make you feel diminished. Your body is just fine and you can make good use of it in conflict resolution.

Still here? Great. For something so important, so obvious, we spend a amazingly little amount of time focusing on how to use our bodies to best effect in resolving conflicts. We idolize the athletic achievements, the artistic use of the body, the performers. So let me ask you this, when has someone commented that your have communicated so well with the way you sat in the chair, how you leaned forward in just the right way, the method of using your eyebrows and that expressive squint. Let's get better at using the most crucial tool in our toolbox--our bodies.

Facial expression

Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell estimated we can make and recognize around 250,000 facial expressions. Which ones are your best? This generation is perfecting the selfie culture. Those facial expressions are often designed to help others to see each other as attractive and friendly. Which other facial expressions are in your repertoire that you can call upon when you need them? Today while we are holding so many of our meetings on video conferencing, if you are able to record yourself, you might have a great set of data to study.

A very experienced mediator saw himself on video. "Do you mean that is what I look like the clients? Why didn't anyone tell me that all you can see is my eyebrows and glasses," he inquired. And we probably should have mentioned it before. As the parties sat in mediation, the combination of his reading glasses and brows meant that the parties were unable to connect with him face on. A conscious adjustment over time meant he was able to use his face and connect in a more effective way.

Neutral facial expressions and micro expressions

Holding your face in a neutral and relaxed expression is a useful skill to have. It takes some strong training. Once you have the capability to hold a neutral expression, it will come in handy in life as well as conflict resolution. Have you been told that everyone always knows what you are thinking? Then you have more work to do. We all have tiny muscular movements in our faces, called micro expressions, and they are easily picked up on by others. To have a neutral expression, your thought process might need to be neutral. After millions of years of evolution, our species has survived by picking up clues from others. If you clear your mind and reserve judgement, your facial expression is likely to follow.

To relax your face, do some facial stretches. Squinch up all your muscles, count to 5 then relax for 10. Do this a few times. Then open your mouth as wide as possible for 5 and then relax for 10. Just these two exercises, taking about 5 minutes at most, can help your face to relax and show your open mind to others.

Be careful not to mirror other's expressions

Others yawn, you yawn, right? We all mirror others, its a natural human process. When you find yourself in a conflict situation, you may notice others with facial expressions that indicate their thoughts, emotions and judgements. Be careful not to mirror other's expressions. such as:

• Tightness around mouth and eyes

• Frowning, scowling, and glaring

• Lowered eyebrows

• Tense jaw

• Glaring intently

Awareness and avoidance of expression mirroring, can help to support a positive conflict resolution process. One person's expressions are difficult. When both people use these expressions, the conflict can devolve into aggression and/or distrust. Better to keep a calm and open face that invites conversation.

Gestures

We have all developed habits for use of our hands and arms when communicating. Much of this is cultural, some is un-examined. No matter where your habitual gestures come from, there are a few that are generally difficult and can undermine a peaceful communication such as:

• Pointing and jabbing fingers

• Crossed arms and legs

• Clenched fists

• Quick and jerky moves

• Banging the table

• Shrugging or dismissive moves

• Hands on hips

None on this list should be considered forbidden. Instead develop an awareness of your use of these gestures. Know that they can have a powerful effect on the receiver and may be at cross purposes to the conflict resolution process.

There are some helpful gestures that can be supportive during a difficult conversation. Try:

• Head nodding with understanding and acceptance

• Open hand gestures

• Arms uncrossed

• Chest exposed

• Slow, deep breathing

If you tend to have uncontrolled gestures, you might want to work on this. Try the last bullet above if you can't do anything else. A little oxygen helps everything to go better, and your brain gets what it need to be more aware.

Body and stance

There's a reason the judge is up high above everyone else in the court. This stance indicates the elevation of the judge role. The judge is the decider for others, its not a mutual process. If you, however, want to develop a mutually agreed upon outcome, make sure you are eye to eye and at an equal or lower level. If your social role might tend to convey a higher status upon you, try getting slightly lower in order to create an equal playing field. If you are tall and have to look down on people when standing, see if you can find a stool or table to lean on to become eye to eye. No one likes to be loomed over, and even with the best of intentions our natural reaction toward keeping ourselves safe, can hinder collaborative dispute resolution.

Squaring off your body to the other person is another aspect to for awareness. When you see someone only showing you their side and turning away, it may be interpreted as a lack of comittment or fear of interaction. If you want to show you are sincere and open, open up your torso to the other person and sit up, not rigid, showing the interaction is important to you. Slumping can mean you find the situation unimportant. Stretching your arm out over other chair backs or behind others can come across as aggressive. Bending over and looking down, can show timidness or a lack of willingness to interact. A lot to think about. As with any self improvement, awareness and intention is the place to start.

Here's a list from the Talented Ladies Club (love the name), article link is below. Its a helpful list, don't you think?

• Uncross your arms. A crossed arms posture can show contempt, act as a barrier or show disinterest.

• Relax, but not too much. Keeping a straight back but relaxing the shoulders shows attentiveness and stifles the raised shoulders of feeling tense. Relaxing too much and slouching might indicate disinterest.

• Maintain eye-contact. This shows interest and is a sign of respect. Blink and look away momentarily (to prevent staring) but look at the person speaking as much as possible without it becoming uncomfortable.

• Make relaxed movements. When we are feeling alarmed or confronted we can often make fast and jerky movements with our hands and body. If we are relaxed our body tends to relax. Try to keep your body relaxed even though you might not be feeling calm.

• Signal non-aggression. Generally ‘squaring’ up to someone can signal aggression. By standing slightly side on and using open hand gestures you are signalling non-aggression. Just because you might not be an aggressive person does not mean that you would not be signalling aggression.

• Get the distance right. Whether sitting or standing it’s important to be close enough to show a willingness to engage, but not so far that you become out of touch. A position of around four feet or so from the other person shouldn’t occupy their personal space and should feel comfortable for both.

• Smile and nod. The occasional smile shows an air of warmth but it should not be false. It may only need to be for a second, but it should be genuine. An accompanying nod affirms the smile and can infer agreement.

The real trick is develop body language awareness. First pay attention to what you have to learn and improve. Then start looking at other's body language, and see if you can pick up on some of these moves. Turn the sound off on the TV or watch in a language you can't understand, and try to see what you can pick up. Use what you've got, your body, and there's a lot your body, face and gestures can do to help things along.

Do this:

• Record yourself. Do you like what you see? Pick one specific goal that will help you come across in the way you intend. Keep recording. Or ask a partner to watch you more carefully and give you feedback.

• Working on confidence, this might help.

• First chapter of Definitive Book of Body Language.

• The Talented Ladies club is for ladies and others.

• Lots of pictures here.

• Very quick video showing your body posture changes your body chemistry and thoughts.

Using the Avoiding Conflict Resolution style

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

I TEND TO USE THE AVOIDING CONFLICT STYLE

Using the Avoiding Conflict Resolution style

In mediation, facilitation and conflict coaching, we work to open up creativity in the conflict resolution process. That's in the upper right corner of the chart above. We help to develop a collaborative process where the result is a new creative problem solving outcome. These are win-win agreements. Conflict is diminished and communication and understanding is increased.

We don't always have the time required to do creative conflict resolution. As conflicts arise, our prevalent conflict approach is usually what we use. If you tend toward the avoiding style, located down to the left, then that's likely your go-to approach.

Avoiding conflict is...

In conflict resolution, we say that, in general, the avoid stance is a lose-lose approach. That's because the two people who have a conflict don't get to share their concerns, negotiate and develop understanding, and because of this, both parties lose out. Although many people have a negative view of conflict, we think that the process of working conflicts out can be a net positive. Working toward a win-win or at least a compromise is all about learning, growth and improved outcomes for both parties. We only make improvements through the process of struggle. Our view is that all human advancement is the result of conflict that is resolved, sometimes through trials and tribulations, but ends up with something better at the end.

The lose-lose part of avoid is when there are real deeply-felt conflicts that are just buried. Or more accurately, like the ostrich, the head is buried while the conflict sits there, unresolved, unadressed and growing over time. Avoiding handling conflicts does not make them go away. Many people who are most comfortable with avoiding conflict, may have little confidence in their own abilities to articulate their thoughts. Or they may have learned that avoidance is the best and most honorable way to go. But when someone lives a life of trying to avoid conflicts, they do catch up. And the consequent process of trying to avoid dealing with issues creates a lifestyle of fear. Not a recipe for a fully realized life well-lived.

People who are avoiders could be the result of cultures or micro cultures--and may have been learned early in life. 'Don't say something if you can't say something nice.' Its a pleasant thought. If taken to extremes, however, this saying can serve to repress individual's concerns and ideas. Children should be seen and not heard, an old fashioned phrase. It may have the effect of teaching us all to not advance our dilemmas and provides no guidance on how to interact when trying to discuss conflicting views. Boys will be boys, might be the kind of thought that diminishes all genders' abilities to consider each other's experiences and individually work things out due to stereotyped behaviors. We can do better with our young people.

Avoiding conflict is not...

This is not about small matters that are inconsequential. When people ignore, sidestep and give the benefit of a doubt for these small things, that's a choice. They can be exhibiting graciousness. Or saying to themselves, let's not sweat the small stuff. They could be drawing upon their own generosity. Or realizing there are bigger fish to fry. When someone decides, through a pragmatic thought process, to move on to bigger and better things, they are not avoiding. Instead they are making a thoughtful choice.

That goes for 'going to the balcony' to determine how to proceed and giving the situation a little space. "Most things resolve themselves," said my first boss and his wisdom has oftentimes been born out. Being too quick on the draw can lead to bigger and more difficult conflicts. The conflict resolution concept of the balcony is a strategy to buy time and make considered moves.

Being pragmatic and choosing to avoid can also be a healthy choice. If you have just been hired, and a conflict immediately arises, the employee might be smart to avoid the conflict while getting their bearings. Conflict with a powerful figure, let's say a citizen while interacting with police, would be a moment to avoid confronting or addressing a conflict. And dependent upon the individual's status in the society, they might decide to permanently avoid conflict issues in order to preserve their .

When is avoid conflict style a wise choice?

There are many situations in which compromise might be the best method. For example:

• When an issue is trivial and other issues are more important or pressing -

• When tattempts to deal with the problem will likely result in futility and may make matters worse.

• When the potential cost of confronting the conflict outweighs the benefits in addressing it.

• To buy time and give angry people an opportunity to "cool down" so that tensions can be reduced

• To refrain from making a rushed decision and allow time to obtain more information or support -

• When it is more appropriate for others to resolve the conflict - resist getting in the middle of conflicts that are better dealt with by other people.

• When the issue at hand is tangential or a "smoke screen" for the real problem that needs to be addressed

Why are people Avoiders?

Why do people tend to avoid? As per Dale Eilerman, in his article below: "A person who consistently takes an avoiding approach to dealing with disagreements has likely experienced life events which reinforced the notion that conflict is bad." Individuals who tend to avoid may have had a traumatic experience that causes them to go into the 'flight or freeze' part of the fight/flight/freeze trio.

There are services available to help people who feel stuck in the avoid gear. Professional counseling is best if this is considered a long standing psychological pattern that has deep roots. Mediation is, by its nature, a process that does not avoid the conflict. Just the process of telling someone you would like to work out a conflict, is a big step away from the avoiding style. For many people the process of conflict coaching can be an uplifting and enlightening process of working 1:1 with a conflict coach to add new tools to the conflict resolution toolbox.

Do this:

• Read this article about the avoiding conflict style

• If you tend to be an avoider, look to see if you can begin to work to resolve the smallest conflicts. Can you raise your concerns and put forward your ideas with a person you trust? Can you work toward a compromise with another person--its a start. Your interests are important and you might find that others want to hear from you and would be very willing to try to find a solution.

• The avoid style in business, when it works and when it doesn't.

• Go to the balcony video

• William Ury is looking for the 18th camel, looking for the win/win. Video here.

OBJECTIFICATION AND DEHUMANIZATION - AT THE CORE OF BIAS, BLAME US/THEM THINKING, AND MANY CONFLICTS

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

OBJECTIFICATION AND DEHUMANIZATION - AT THE CORE OF BIAS, BLAME US/THEM THINKING, AND MANY CONFLICTS

What is Objectification and what does it have to do with Conflict?

In social philosophy, objectification is the act of treating a person as an object or a thing. It is part of dehumanization, the act of disavowing the humanity of others. Bias, the us & them thought process, othering and the blame & shame culture is connected to the concept of objectification. One person sees themselves as in one group and identifies others as in an another group. No problem. One person sees those who are in another group and that group is seen as things, not humans. That's objectification. Meaning that the group of people have been transformed, mentally, into objects. Once transformed into objects, its easy to allow bias and blame and shame and stereotype to go unchallenged. After all:

• an object can't have feelings,

• I can't empathize with an object

• the object is a lessor thing than I am

• all those things are alike.

Do I objectify any groups?

Usually objectification occurs with a lack of knowledge and/or with limited personal experience. Years ago I might have objectified people who live in a particular place. I had limited experience with people from that place and I accepted the stereotypes. My limited, almost non-existent knowledge became rigid and I acted as if the 'objects' (people from this place) were of lesser value in comparison to those who I considered to be fully formed individuals. I negatively objectified--dehumanized-- people from this place. How about you, as you search your experience, are there people or groups of people you might have dehumanized or objectified?

Here's what disintegrates objectification--knowledge and personal connection. In order to work against objectifying the people from that particular place, I spent some time in that place having real experiences. Here's a few other ways to undo objectifying groups of people:

• Pick a role model from that group. My role model is....

• Read about, see a documentary about, study the group...

• Say to yourself 'I am a ...(fill in the blank of the objectified group) and the one thing I never want someone to say about me is....

• Consider whether you yourself have ever been objectified by another person

• Listen to people use the 'we' and 'they' terms (right about now the off-Island/on-Island 'we' and 'they' might be ripe for this)

Objectification and conflict

Sometimes in a conflict the core issue is not actually the topics on the table, but the underlying objectification between both people. This can happen in community cases between neighbors or in business relationships. Over time the conflict has developed because one or both of the disputants objectifies the other. They ascribe the difficulties they are having with the other person, as happening because they are part of the dehumanized group. People cannot resolve conflicts with an object--and so until the objectification is undone, its pretty difficult to make significant progress.

Mediators can sometimes detect objectification during mediation sessions, though we can't easily undo these hardened attitudes. When we say, "I'd like you to put yourself into the position of the other person, and describe the situation from that point of view." it can help to open someone's eyes to their objectification.

There's a lot more to this topic

We've just scratched the surface here. Take a look at some more writing on this topic.

• Othering "belonging must begin by expanding the circle of human concern." article

• Dehumanization "dehumanization is creating an enemy image..." article

• Stereotyping, Bias, and Prejudice in Conflict Resolution powerpoint by Kenneth Cloke--international mediation expert

• People are hard to hate close up. Get closer. Article by Brene Brown.

NEW ATTITUDE - DON’T ASSUME

WHILE WE ARE KEEPING SOCIAL DISTANCE AND HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS, LET’S DO SOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION…

NEW ATTITUDE - DON’T ASSUME

Assumptions get in the way of conflict resolution

The life cycle of an assumption

"I know exactly what he is thinking." says the neighbor in the mediation session "Look at him, you can see it, just look at him." Or the client in a private session during a corporate facilitation session, "Can't you hear that in her voice, I know she is being dishonest. I can tell just by listening to her." Or, "They are out to get us, they are lining us up like pins and then, wham, here comes the bowling ball." says the employee in a contract negotiation.

All assumptions, and not helpful. I call it snapshot thinking, because in my view, what happens is that one person takes a snapshot and fills in all kinds of information that may or may not be true based on their biases, imagination, fear and limited experience. Boom. You've got a full-blown assumption. It started as a snapshot, a moment in time, and became a full blown epic story. And much of it is inaccurate and becomes a barrier to a peaceful resolution of the conflict.

Its hard for mediators, conflict coaches, facilitators and others in the conflict resolution field to deal with a client's hardened assumptions. Here's how the assumption is created. The individual takes in data. They pick through data selectively. They ascribe a meaning to the data. They believe the meaning they have settled on as true. They then pay attention only to what confirms their assumption.

Dissecting this assumption is sometimes the most important contribution a conflict resolution specialist can provide. In order to resolve a conflict, assumptions need to be put aside. Here's what it sounds like in a mediation--during a private session:

Mediator "So you have said that Robin only wants to hurt you."

• Client "Yeah you can see it in their eyes. You see it too, I know you do."

"Well I'm wondering what it means to you that Robin is willing to be here in mediation."

• "They are just trying to make me miserable, and they are enjoying how hard this is."

"Help me understand where you are coming from. Is there something Robin has done today that shows this?"

• "No you are not going to see it, Robin is on their best behavior with you.

"Is there anything you could possibly see or hear from Robin that would help you to undo your assumption that Robin is out to hurt you?"

• "No there is nothing that would show me that, nothing Robin can do would change my thinking."

The ladder of inference

Start at the bottom of the ladder. The information is real and easily documented. Its the meaning behind that information that becomes someone's assumption. Unless the person does research to determine whether their hypothesis is correct or in error - asks questions, keeps an open mind, considers multiple possibilities, knows that their first reaction is often inaccurate. Once you've climbed up the ladder, its hard to back down. Better to avoid making assumptions right from the beginning.

How you stop the ladder of inference from taking over your thought process? If you tend to jump to conclusions, it may be difficult to re-orient your habitual thinking. Some step-by-step challenges to try:

• Take off your blinders and gather lots of information, some of it might seem contradictory at first. In the above scenario, the observable data was that Rashmi took sick leave. Push yourself to make a list, maybe of 10 different possibilities of what might be happening. All kinds of ideas, some can be unusual.

• Imagine the other person, think about them sympathetically. Try to not jump to conclusions. What would they want you to be thinking?

• When you have the opportunity (in this case that would take time until Rashmi returned to work) check things out with an open mind.

• If you find yourself climbing the ladder, consider what part fear and/or lack of power might play in your reflexive loop. Is this assumption more about you and not the other person?

• If you find yourself creating some epic story, start writing it as a fictional piece--change names to help yourself to clearly distance fiction from reality.

• Do this:

  • The ladder of inference shows how your assumptions lead you through a reflexive loop where your assumptions are reinforced by your selective attention. Article

  • Cinnie Noble is my teacher in Conflict Coaching and her writing is written in a simple and profound way. Article

  • Felix from the Odd Couple teaches you (and the judge and Oscar) about what the word assume means. Video

  If you missed Day 1 through 32 here they are:

  Day 1 Thoughts about conflict https://conta.cc/3d565pG

  Day 2 Conflict Styles https://conta.cc/38URE4h

  Day 3 Listening https://conta.cc/38Z4rTj

  Day 4 Feelings https://conta.cc/33uxop7

  Day 5 Change yourself https://conta.cc/2wrCd6h

  Day 8 Conflict stages https://conta.cc/2wA8rMG

  Day 9 Learned conflict styles https://conta.cc/2y4ySup

  Day 10 Accusations into questions https://conta.cc/2JgUy8U

  Day 11 Underlying needs https://conta.cc/39j5AFd

  Day 12 Slow your roll https://conta.cc/2WSFC95

  Day 15 Bullying https://conta.cc/2QUXn3Z

  Day 16 Accommodation Conflict Style https://conta.cc/3bE2L3g

  Day 17 Using Neutral Language https://conta.cc/3dLDfuF

  Day 18 Identity and Conflict https://conta.cc/3467oR2

  Day 19 Conflict Bubble https://conta.cc/39Ig9BU

  Day 22 Digital Conflict https://conta.cc/39Uop29

  Day 23 Competing Conflict Style https://conta.cc/39UAcgF

  Day 24 Analyzing Conflict https://conta.cc/2XkJ7W5

  Day 25 Values and Conflict https://conta.cc/3c0wHXs

  Day 26 No More Good/Bad https://conta.cc/2UXaFzd

  Day 29 Conflict Services https://conta.cc/2XzUpGi

  Day 30 Compromising Conflict Style https://conta.cc/3cjXoGI

  Day 31 Tone of Voice https://conta.cc/3aeDgV7

  Day 32 Power https://conta.cc/2wK0zbB

  Day 33 Assumptions

  Have a great weekend. Back on Monday. Thank all the deliverers--Postal service, UPS, Cape Cod Express, Meals on Wheels. Wash your hands folks!

  Next Friday will be the last day of the Daily Working From Home message. By then there will have been thirty daily emails over forty days of shutdown. Beginning on April 28th we will be sending out new messages on Tuesday and Fridays--twice a week. Tell your friends to sign up.

  Shameless plug for MVMP--pass it along if you know someone who needs our services.

  Sara