Mediation Musings: Optimism
By: Sara Barnes
Reprise from 2023, lightly revised
It’s rough out there. Wars, atrocities, mass shootings, global warming, toxic polarization, free-floating anger and anxiety. As I talk to people around me, I find many are distracted and off-center. Here are a few recent comments I have heard: “I’m obsessed with what’s going on . . . it’s keeping me up at night.” “It’s scary on the street. You walk by people, and I worry about getting sucked into their doom and gloom.” “I don’t have a clue which subjects are fair game for family discussions.” “I can’t turn it all off, I’m in a constant state of anxiety.”
We are often asked at MV Mediation about what we can do about international problems. Intractable societal challenges and world conflicts weigh heavily on conflict resolvers’ minds just as they do for everyone. Every mediator, conflict coach and restorative circle facilitator I know tries to stay current, and wishes they could help more, while working to find a personal balance so as to be able to continue providing services closer to home.
For me, I try to embrace optimism whenever I can manage to find some. The optimism principle is not an easy one to stick to, and it isn’t always possible to keep from becoming demoralized. I thought that while we are coping with multiple international, national and local crises, I’d offer approaches that have helped me. Maybe these tips might, in turn, help others during difficult times.
Look for the Helpers
Mister Rogers suggested to parents ways to talk about tragedies and disheartening events with young children. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping . . . That will give you hope.’” It’s a good reminder for adults, too. Although there is a danger of using this quote as an oversimplification, I find it a useful reminder that even in the most horrific moments, you can find people who are pitching in to try to make things better.
For example, I’m heartened that there’s talk about international mediators working on climate change as well as those involved in many war zones and complex situations. With some conscious effort, you can train your gaze to look for those helpers, while at the same time not ignoring or trivializing the difficult reality.
Do Something
I’m not an international diplomat, environmental negotiator or war zone mediator, so my hope is that my work closer to home can be helpful for those I can help. Using the concept of “circle of human concern” from john a. powell and the “circle of concern” and “circle of influence” from Stephen Covey, I try to keep my focus on where I can make the most difference.
It helps, for me, to look beyond my own life to think in a more collectivistic way. I do what I can, and so can others. Each of our individual actions will ripple out, hopefully positively, from our own efforts. Find something you can do within your capabilities and talents. I like to remind myself that doing something includes taking care of yourself as an individual so that you can stay healthy and balanced, too.
Think Historically
The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. popularized this notion: The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. I return to this idea fairly often. It is so easy to think of where we stand in history as the only important moment or the end of the line. Recalling MLK’s quote, I try to place myself not at the end but toward the beginning of what I imagine is this mammoth historical arc that encompasses many lifetimes.
The arc-of-history concept is a reminder that there’s so much more to come and that what we do today has an effect on the future. Young people are mobilized to make a difference, and there’s much more to come in human history. The Iroquois/
Haudenosaunee Confederacy, along with other Indigenous groups, adheres to the Seventh Generation Principle—keeping in mind that your actions today have an effect all the way into the seventh generation of the future.