Mediator Musings: Rest
by: Sara Barnes
My son was two and playing on the sidewalk with the other kids. Laura, the next-door neighbor, jiggled her one-year-old. “I think for the first time in over two years,” I said, “I might not be overwhelmingly tired.” She replied, “I’m hoping to have that feeling soon, I’m just so exhausted!”
As I recall early parenthood, I can still today feel the memory in my body and mind and spirit stretched so thinly, so precariously surviving, yearning for something out of reach. Without enough downtime, we are not able to be our best selves, that is well known. REM sleep is necessary to function optimally, to think carefully, to have space to consider the ideas of others, to be kind. There is a recent wave of sleep advice for the tired masses reminding us to turn off the artificial light, stop scrolling, prepare calmly to have a good night’s sleep.
I’m also hearing a lot lately about cortisol, the body’s “built-in alarm system,” as a component of habitual stress levels. This hormone seems to keep our systems in a constant state of perceived crisis mode, always ready for the next need for adrenaline, constantly on guard and ready for battle. As well, the last few decades have made us aware of the post-trauma responses that many of us handle.
My family and I suffered a recent tragedy in losing a close family member. Our varied responses to the shock, sadness and loss demonstrated the wide range of styles of grieving; each of us traveling on a slightly different journey, managing our days in diverse ways. It reminded me strongly of the quote attributed to Ian MacLaren: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” If my own personal experience is any example, grieving is a draining experience leaving me spent at the end of each day, with very little left for others. It isn’t so much sleep I have been craving. Something different. Rest.
Seven different types of rest
Under the circumstances, I was pleased to find the work of Saundra Dalton-Smith, a board-certified internal medicine physician, a speaker, and the award-winning author of the book Sacred Rest. Dalton-Smith posits seven types of rest; the theory teases apart the varied ways to look at the regulation needs of our nervous system in challenging times. Each named component offers a different lens into the world of rest.
The seven aspects of rest are listed as: Physical, Mental, Sensory, Creative, Emotional, Social and Spiritual. As I look through this list and the varied remedies for each, I see for myself which component I might think about working on; I also hope to better understand those close to me and how they are searching for their own path toward restorative rest.
Is it related to conflict resolution?
I can make a connection between almost anything and conflict resolution. In this case, though, I think it’s pretty obvious. Those who are in need of rest are likely not in the best shape to resolve conflicts well. So, the best approach is to self-monitor your rested-ness and think about the different types of rest that are needed for you to be able to engage in the complex process of working things out with others.
Slow down. One of the suggestions for handling your own daily conflicts is to slow down, take a breather, think beyond the moment. It’s hard to do that when you’re depleted. The tendency can be to try to get things over with quickly, and when the dispute is a minor one, that can work well. However big issues require time, patience and calm rational thinking; often not the ingredients available to those who are running on empty.