Conflicts are not always fully resolved by an apology. A good apology, though, can go a long way toward building trust when a personal connection has gone in the wrong direction. Mediators and conflict coaches hear about apologies quite a bit.

Here's the thing about employing the shame/blame dynamic duo. They don't solve the conflict. They don't analyze the problem. They don't help us to learn from our mistakes. They don't build trust. They will harm an organization in short order. They do nothing but make folks feel miserable and will crash any relationship.

I was responding to a request from a prominent person. This was years ago. I called on others in my group to collaborate with me on a carefully worded response message. There were multiple drafts. I sent the final document. And then . . . crickets.

Trust

What does all this have to do with conflict? Trust. In our relationships with others we are always either making deposits into or subtracting from the reservoir of trust. We humans aren't so different from our canine cousins in that regard. My months with Ohmi had contributed drop by drop to the trust reservoir. Yet one incident when I raised my voice and inadvertently harmed her, slight though it was, had taken us many steps backward.

In the last six months and through the magic of teleconferencing, I've spent about 100 hours engaged in workshops, support networks, advanced practice seminars, and professional discussions with representatives from six continents. Here's a little travelogue; I hope you will indulge me as I present a virtual slide show.