Rain has been around a lot longer than humans. Sun, too. As long as our species has existed there has been weather, and people have found lots of different ways to handle it.
It’s rough out there. Wars, atrocities, mass shootings, global warming, toxic polarization, free-floating anger and anxiety. As I talk to people around me, I find many are distracted and off-center.
The misunderstandings, assumptions and judgments between generations cause some real conflicts. It is natural for people to believe the way they were raised, the time they grew up and the standards they considered as the norm are superior to other generations’ ways of being. Just like my grandmother and her hand-cranked dryer, it is hard to adopt to new ways.
When my grandmother handed me the wet clothes and told me to “put them through the wringer,” I had no idea what to do. “Go ahead, don’t dawdle. Get those clothes done.”
For years my pin code was 2012—don’t worry I’ve changed it long ago. 2012 would be the mark of 30 years as a city educator, I would be the minimum age 55, eligible to retire and begin collecting my pension. The year seemed far, far away and then came astoundingly fast. On my birthday in 2012 I was prepared. My volunteer projects, PhD program, redecorating, search for a vacation home, dogs and family were sure to keep me busy.
Money. It’s likely to bring up immediate reactions. I’ve had a mixed-status life regarding attitudes about money. One of my parents came from the hands-off, polite-people-don’t-discuss money perspective. The other parent saw discussing money as fair game––“I got this at fifty percent off on sale!” As a teen I became aware of friends whose lives were impacted by the ever-present stressors of generational and situational poverty. In my twenties I was part of a collective where pooling our money was expected: What’s mine is yours.
Thrum. Thrum. Bong. Bong. Step. Step. The sounds of the Queen of England’s funeral events had a somber musical score to match the occasion. A riveting theme for Britain and around the world. Throngs of well-wishers lined the avenues. Some commented that, despite the deep divides in that county and the vestiges of the colonial empire, the event of her death was uniting. At least for a historical moment.
Conflict resolution techniques are not manipulation or coercion. In fact they are the opposite. When we teach a new approach such as question construction or detecting interests, better listening techniques, or using neutral language it's not to work on the other person. We are working on ourselves. Building our tool box. Expanding our repertoire. Taking responsibility for our own part in the conflict and in making the world around us a better place.
