We tend to treat people and problems as one and the same. It is easy to conflate challenging conflicts and people. But, strong conflict resolvers know that this is a mistake.

The bigger the conflict...the slower your roll. Sometimes your first instinct is to act quickly. Nip it in the bud. Cut to the chase. 1,2,3 and done. And yes, if the situation is a safety or existential issue, then quicker might be better. 

Turn accusations, even if you're certain your conclusion is correct, into anopen and sincere question. Without much change in vocabulary, this simple tweak is an effective technique* toward positive conflict resolution.

Think of people you admire: a leader, a mentor, someone you respect. What do all these people have in common? Likely, they are good at the skill, art, craft, and science of listening. If you want to be respected, stop talking and start listening -- and not pretend listen -- genuine, appreciative and open-minded listening.